you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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