So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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