i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
