In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This girl is more easily done than said...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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