Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
