On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
