OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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