I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
