i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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