so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
