at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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