Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
