I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
