I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
