I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
