What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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