remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
