if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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