I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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