I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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