Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
