they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
