On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
