i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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