well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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