Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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