I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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