There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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