The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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