Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
