Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
