Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
