I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
