I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
