we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
