Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize