i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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