Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
