remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
