if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
