yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
