morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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