***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
