i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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