Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
