Michael Bay diarrhea
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
