Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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