i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
