I feel like I'm in dance class right now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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