I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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