Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
